So far I have written about Peace, Love, and Happiness—three of my six core values. The other three values are Confidence, Passion, and Prosperity. Today I write about Confidence.

As I wrote before, I was a mess when I graduated from high school. I was ill-prepared for the world since I lacked the necessary social and Emotional Intelligence skills to lead a successful life. I didn’t have any goals or direction, I was shy, and I lacked Confidence.

In my sophomore year of high school we were required to give a speech in front of our English class. This was my first experience at public speaking. I was so nervous that I shook like a leaf in a hurricane. The only person who shook more than me was Willie who had a neurological disorder and shook all the time.

Now I’m an accomplished public speaker. What happened? Confidence happened. I faced my fear, got plenty of experience and practice, and I believed that I was confident even before I felt confident.

To quote Henry Ford: “Think you can, think you can’t—either way you’re right.”

In other words, whatever we think/believe/imagine then we become. If we think we are confident, act like we are confident, then we become confident. If we think that we are fearful and scared, then we are frightened.

In previous blog posts I wrote about imagining balls of energy in the palm of your hand. This ball of energy is a little sun that you control. My ball of energy for Confidence is bright white. While looking at this white ball of energy I feel Confidence inside me. I focus on that feeling; I feel poised, I stand taller, I erase fear from my mind.

Confidence is the result of several Emotional Intelligence skills: Self-Regard, Self-Actualization, Independence, Assertiveness, Stress Tolerance, and Reality Testing.

Self-Regard is the way you feel about yourself. People who have developed the skill of Self-Regard accept their strengths and weaknesses, respect themselves, and have Confidence.

People who are skilled at Self-Actualization have definite goals, are enthusiastic, take risks, and have a positive attitude.

The skill of Independence entails being firm in your thoughts and actions; you are not wish-washy, but you are committed to your beliefs and course of action. Independent people take responsibility for their actions and realize that making mistakes is a part of the human experience. Having emotional strength, staying emotionally strong when things get tough, is another sign of Independence.

Assertiveness in another component of Confidence. Don’t confuse Assertiveness with aggressiveness. Being assertive means that you are able to express your beliefs, thoughts, and feelings; being aggressive means that you are inconsiderate, mean, and forceful. Tell people what your opinions are, but don’t force your beliefs on them. Say “No” when you don’t want to do something, but be polite.

Having the skill of Assertiveness also means that you stand up for your rights and the rights of others. Don’t let people walk over you or take advantage of you. Stand up to the bully who picks on the weaker ones. Scold the bigot, homophobe, or chauvinist.

To be Confident we need to face our fears, deal with stress, and overcome anxiety. These abilities make up the Emotional Intelligence skill of Stress Tolerance. We all have stress in our lives; the more successfully that we deal with it, the more successful we’ll be in our lives.

The skill of Stress Tolerance involves having effective coping mechanisms; taking preventive measures such as exercise, eating healthy, and meditation; and having the feeling that you are in control. It also involves the Emotional Intelligence skills of Reality Testing, Emotional Self-Awareness, Optimism, and Problem-Solving (I’ll write more about Stress Tolerance in a separate blog post).

Lastly, Confidence involves the Emotional Intelligence skill of Reality Testing. Often times, such as in public speaking, our fears are unfounded. We let our imaginations get the best of us and we think that people will laugh at us, demean us, or humiliate us. But these things don’t happen. Subside your fears and look at things rationally. Get feedback from others; ask them if your fears have any basis in reality. Most of all get real experience and see what really happens.

In summary, to gain Confidence in your life you first need to feel confident. Use the technique of imaging a ball of energy that fills you with the feeling of Confidence (the energy that we project is the energy that is attracted and returned to us).

Believe in yourself and your abilities, stand tall, and know that you can handle anything that comes your way (see “Life, Give Me More!” on my homepage).


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